No more kids??!!

So I'm sitting here confused and feeling a little depressed, I feel like no one is in my corner or approving of us having more kids... The hubby finally got on board and even worked on a "timeline" for when but it seems everyone is against us having more, except my family! A family member keeps saying how the middle child ends up messed up or lacking or missing something, and that is a very hard pill to swallow bc my Ashley was the middle child and we all know how that ended, and now a very close friend of ours has "put their foot down" my entire life I have wanted 3 or more kids, and when I lost my Ashley I felt that even more so. I love the two babies I have but I feel like something is missing... I dreamed of the white picket fence, 2.5 children and the dog. And the dog, nor the fence are what is missing.... I want more children, but I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place, partially bc I know we are not in the position to have a child right now and bc I feel the world is against us... I feel like maybe people believe I'm not a good enough mother to the two I have, which devastates me bc I battle the constant feeling that I'm not good enough or deserving enough to have the two wonders I do... I'm stressed and upset, with my emotions in a fragile state and last night didn't make it any better. I dunno what to do or what to think...

Thankful

As we approach thanksgiving we begin being thankful, and speaking our words of thankfulness, as I've seen many people do on Facebook and I keep asking myself why it takes Thanksgiving for people to start voicing what they are thankful for, and why people tend to only show appreciation for the things in their life during this time. I was raised to use manners, yes ma'am,no ma'am, yessir and no sir, to always say please and thank you, and to always remind those around me how much I appreciate what they do for me big or small. What do we teach our children if we do not do this all 12 months? Are we teaching our children that it is ok to forgo being appreciative and humble the other 11 months?? Every day of every month of every year we as the human people should strive to thank and show appreciation to those around us, we should strive to eliminate our negativity, hatred and disdain for others. My children are being raised to say thank you, we are always trying to donate what/when/where we can....even if its only our time, we do not have much money but my children take pride in what they do for others. We are on the eve so to speak of adopting our angel, we do this every year, it shows my children the gift of giving, the "fullness" you feel from helping someone in need. They each get a little budget and are allowed to purchase something for the child in need. I am amazed when, after reading what the child needs, my daughter will be so excited to go buy for our family angel. She is the first to be taken back by the fact that the child wants/needs socks and underwear and she always try's to give her toys away bc the angel doesn't have many.... We work so hard to teach our children, the future leaders of the country, these life forms we've been blessed with from God how to live unconditionally and give as much as they can that it breaks my heart to see people reserve their appreciation and thankfulness of others for once a year. I have been blessed in my life to have two loving parents, who are not perfect, they have faults and learn from their mistakes, they have taught me that a mistake isn't the end if the world, as long as you learn from it and strive to do better you are working towards whatever goal you have... Setbacks do not destroy your goal, sometimes you have to find a new road to continue in your journey. I am blessed with 4 amazing siblings, who also have faults, and make mistakes. And one who is no longer on the earth with me physically but who is always in my heart and a part of my life. I have my relationship with God, and I know he forgives my faults and errors and loves me unconditionally as he wants us to do with others. I have the love of a wonderful man, he sees thru my faults, my pain and my struggles and knows what's inside of my heart, he helps me be the best person I can be, he pushes me to be the best I can and helps me when I feel I'm either not doing enough or I feel I've fallen short. I have been blessed with two wonderful children, who I am trying to raise to the best of my ability and who are also helping me grow, I'm learning how to be a mother and how to deal with the things life throws at us. And I have been blessed with some very important, true, real, friends. These friends have seen me at my lowest, seen me be destructive of my own life and have continued to stay by my side, we have all had a windy road full of ups and downs but in the end on speaking terms or not I know that I can count on them.... And so today, as well as every day of every month, of every year I'm grateful, appreciative and humble for all of the blessings and gifts in my life. I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday.

Feeling a little lifted.

So today I'm enjoying the company of 4 pretty cool kids!! My bestie gave a lady at work my info bc her kiddos needed care mon-wed and we worked out payment and figured it all out!! I forgot how much I enjoy older children!! I might try to take on some kids this summer that are school aged. We enjoyed a wonderful thanksgiving with my family yesterday and I'm reminded of how much I truly enjoy spending time with my aunt and my cousins!! I love my family but I really enjoy spending time with my extended family, not to hurt anyone's feelings and I think they know this, but I've always felt like I fit better with them than I do with mine....

I'm working hard on Christmas presents and my crayons came out so good!! I'll post pictures later from my computer bc it's hard to do from my phone!

Update, what's new here!

It's been a while so here we go:
Yay Pres did NOT have west Nile! We are still unsure what was going on with his little body but he recovered within a few days and was his normal irritable 2 year old self by his second birthday! Pres' second birthday was a hit!! (Can't find the pictures... Will update later!!) I found a lot of ideas and had a successful semi-DIY party!! A topiary I turned into Mickey Mouse I found on Pinterest, and a piñata, when I post pictures I'll also tag the blog with the instructions!!
My nephews party was a few weeks after Pres' party, and it too was a success!!! I love that my boy has a friend his same age/gender that we get to see all the time!!
Everything has been the same in our home, I'm still home everyday with my kids and loving it, though I'm looking for part time work to help with my crafting/DIY projects!!!
The Hubbs and I celebrated our 4th anniversary and I cannot believe we have already been married 4 years it blows my mind!! He cracked his wedding ring a few months back so I stole his ring and replaced it with the same one, he wears the broken one to work and the nice one out when we go out....... And my husband got me the Cricut machine I have wanted since before we got married!!! Here is the only project I've done...(I'm not sure where it's gonna show up I haven't done this from my phone with a picture!) anywho everyone loves there door but I need a new mat, we bought the machine used but in excellent condition!! I'm looking forward to making more as time goes on!!
Halloween: my monkeys looked awesome as the beautiful Snow White, and my lil Spider-Man! They had so much fun and got lots of candy though mist was chocolate and Pres couldn't have it. We made it work and the rest is hidden and they have no clue they are missing ANYTHING!!
My poor lil monkey man Pres got sick again... I virus, they don't know what or where or anything!! He popped up with canker-like sores in his mouth on his tongue and a fever blister-like one just below his lip. They lasted a week and he is doing much better now, thankfully! Speaking if being thankful, we are just over a week to thanksgiving and I could not be more excited! I love being with family, gathered together enjoying time! As usual our schedule is crazy- Sunday before thanksgiving we celebrate with my entire family then thanksgiving day it's with my in-laws and my parents if we can squeeze it all in! Then comes Black Friday, but not much money here, so I will be only buying the pjs and some DVDs we were wanting. Hubbs wants a blu-ray player but I'm not sure I really wanna do that, we shall see!!

As for other news, I have baby fever!!! We know its not the right time financially speaking but it doesn't make my biological clock tick any quieter!! I'm enjoying the time I have with my two blessings and cherishing it knowing there are parents who would give anything to be home with their children!

Working on some projects... Check back later for a list and how they are working out!