Post Christmas crazies!

Christmas in our house was wonderful, Santa was good to the kids and thy enjoyed spending time with family. We watched a 5 kids over the two week break and as usual my babies loved the extra company and the companionship of friends. With the holidays come that longing, aching, and desperate search for the missing pieces to my heart... Who would have ever imagined almost 7 years later I would still search for the little girl who's life was taken far too soon, and the part of me that's not here. Ugh it's hard, and at the same time I look at my two miracles and thank God for the ability to continue living my life and spending this time loving on these two blessings. We are on the verge of a new career path for the Hubs and a new world of possibilities for our family. And I'm scared, bc it then means that we are going I have to have change and I HATE change. I'm thinking of starting my own business and selling some of my crafts jut to help offset income. Here's to hoping I can make this work.

Christmas.....Peyton's b-day party planning

The temperature is dropping and i've heard talk of snow flurries.... too bad it hasn't been cold enough, long enough for them to stick and create a winter wonderland outside!  I am really hoping for some snow this year so i can see both of my babies out there enjoying it and hopefully developing a love for winter and winter weather like their parents!  Two weeks from today we will be making sure everyone and everything is ready for the busy christmas eve we are having....that we have every year!! and yup you guessed it i'm still working on christmas presents!! the biggest one to finish is the one for my SIL and her new hubby and i got the idea from pinterest but it was one of those wonderful posts where they don't have a link on "how-to" so i'm having to do it all by my self but i'm lucky enough to have the crafting spirit.... and some great friends who have some btdt advice and are willing to help me out and give me some pep to finish!!

After checking the lists Ms. Peyton is a few gifts shy of what bubba has so i'll be on the lookout for some super cheap gifts to finish her list, and to fill stockings!  and i have yet to take them to dollar tree so they can get the gifts for each other, luckily they are good with dollar tree and the dollar section of target to buy for one another, but i know those days will come to an end... and sooner than i had hoped!  Peyton wanted to buy a scooter for her brother... like hers but its Mickey Mouse.... not in her budget lol.

I need to start wrapping presents we have none done yet but its hard when Peyton keeps fighting sleep and is up until 10:30ish every night!!

Peyton's birthday is going to be Hello Kitty themed (her choice) and yes i know its in March but i'm trying to do as much of it myself as possible so i am trying to start early.  Hubby got me a Cricut for our anniversary and i was thinking about getting the Hello Kitty Greeting cartridge but its retired, so the cheapest i can find is 139, and its been linked so i can't set up/lay it out in my Cricut Craft Room...... so i'm on the search for one cheap or a friend who has one who will let me use their cart for the party stuff!!  The good thing about planning early is Target has a TON of Hello Kitty stuff in their dollar section which will make the goodie bags/pinata super easy to fill and maybe even some decorations for the party!!

Maybe i can wrap a few tonight.....
g'night all!

Christmas is coming!!

I love this time of year, my crafty side comes out and I start adding a million tasks to my "to-do" list.  I did the insane black friday shopping this year and made out with some amazing deals and pretty much finished my list of gifts to purchase and now its onto the things I am making... I feel like I always put these off for last and i shouldn't do that because then i feel like they never really get done and I get antsy kinda like i am tonight... i have one project that is huge that i'm not even sure i am actually going to do, mainly bc it might not be cost effective or even be noticed on Christmas morning, it will definitely pale in comparison to the pink car Santa is bringing!  and then come the ever so difficult to shop for in-laws... they aren't family i have known my entire life so its hard to figure out what to do/make for them and the hubby is no help!! so as usual i'm stuck deciding and throwing ideas out to him and the problem is he isn't really decisive and he seems to always have the same lack of enthusiasm answer no matter what i say or offer as a suggestion!!  I made these "redneck wine glasses" bc i thought they would be interested, and so far they have been a big hit!! i'm super excited to make the rest and decorate them bc these will go along with gifts for the inlaws and they will be part of our white elephants for various parties this holiday season!  I decided sunday night that i needed to do inventory of our christmas gifts, so i know what my kids have and what exactly i need to wrap for them so i'm not sitting there last minute irritated bc we forgot something for one or the other and i'm glad i did.... Ms. Peyton has quite a few less than her brother and i know that she probably won't notice who am i kidding, this is the kid who counts out fruit snacks and skittles to make sure its EVEN.... ugh i'm going to have to find/make her some more things... which reminds me, i went and got my sewing machine today... now i haven't used one in years and i'm not even sure i know how to thread the darn thing but i will learn, and i will bust my butt and make some wonderful somethings with it but for now, its in the box on my kitchen counter, lucky for me one of my best friends knows how to sew very well and is more than willing to teach me and work with me on it... so here we sit, a little less than 3 weeks to christmas.... its crunch time.... good thing i'm doing well at being crunchy...

My mom had surgery on her knee friday and she's doing rather well, she's up and moving around and doing PT and best of all.........(mental drum roll)....... SHE WON'T GO BACK TO WORK UNTIL AFTER THE NEW YEAR!!!!!!! i have missed my mommy and i'm so excited to get to spend some of this time with her while we have the opportunity!!

My children recieved the coolest thing from santa this year... and Elf on a Shelf... they named him Pickles and he's been hiding up where they can't touch him.... i guess he knows they are very young and very curious and might accidentally take his magic away!! the kids get up every morning and are so excited to go find him, peyton tells him everyday she wants a pink care and a trampolee (trampoline) granted she's only getting the car but WTH its good for them to dream big!!  its getting late and i need to try to go to bed, even though the insomnia is back and running rampant in my life right now, i know it will all even out one day, even if that means i have to go see Dr. V and get back on something to help me sleep!!

December 2nd..... and my ac is on??

I know you probably read the title and had one of tow reactions.... she's crazy right?? or DUH you live in Texas !! well either way after experiencing fall this year (yea i know its strange, we have two temperatures, hot and bearable!) I was sure that we would have a nice, FREEZING winter, and low and behold it is now the 5th, and while i might be wearing a sweat shirt that in no way means that it is cold.... i'm just a whimp and get chills easy.  i'm at a loss, don't get me wrong, i've had my heat on once or twice but thats because I have two small children who, for whatever reason, strip at night/in their sleep!

We had to take Preston to the dr on friday, he'd gotten some virus and they said it had to run its course and he would get better, like that ever happens with my kiddos... The sores in his mouth went away but he messed with the one on his face to the point where he got impetigo... what fun that is. So Friday we took him back  to see his doctor and they wrote us a script for oral antibiotics, and an antibiotic cream.  He's a champ, he refuses the medicine at first then takes it all on his own despite its disgusting taste (Cephalexan) and he allows me to put the cream on it, he's use to cream for his bum so he always tells me it will make him better.  i just feel like i'm fighting a losing battle, he keeps scratching and its not going away as fast as i would like it to.  Oh the joys of parenthood!!!

How are the rest of you out there in the parenthood world??

No more kids??!!

So I'm sitting here confused and feeling a little depressed, I feel like no one is in my corner or approving of us having more kids... The hubby finally got on board and even worked on a "timeline" for when but it seems everyone is against us having more, except my family! A family member keeps saying how the middle child ends up messed up or lacking or missing something, and that is a very hard pill to swallow bc my Ashley was the middle child and we all know how that ended, and now a very close friend of ours has "put their foot down" my entire life I have wanted 3 or more kids, and when I lost my Ashley I felt that even more so. I love the two babies I have but I feel like something is missing... I dreamed of the white picket fence, 2.5 children and the dog. And the dog, nor the fence are what is missing.... I want more children, but I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place, partially bc I know we are not in the position to have a child right now and bc I feel the world is against us... I feel like maybe people believe I'm not a good enough mother to the two I have, which devastates me bc I battle the constant feeling that I'm not good enough or deserving enough to have the two wonders I do... I'm stressed and upset, with my emotions in a fragile state and last night didn't make it any better. I dunno what to do or what to think...

Thankful

As we approach thanksgiving we begin being thankful, and speaking our words of thankfulness, as I've seen many people do on Facebook and I keep asking myself why it takes Thanksgiving for people to start voicing what they are thankful for, and why people tend to only show appreciation for the things in their life during this time. I was raised to use manners, yes ma'am,no ma'am, yessir and no sir, to always say please and thank you, and to always remind those around me how much I appreciate what they do for me big or small. What do we teach our children if we do not do this all 12 months? Are we teaching our children that it is ok to forgo being appreciative and humble the other 11 months?? Every day of every month of every year we as the human people should strive to thank and show appreciation to those around us, we should strive to eliminate our negativity, hatred and disdain for others. My children are being raised to say thank you, we are always trying to donate what/when/where we can....even if its only our time, we do not have much money but my children take pride in what they do for others. We are on the eve so to speak of adopting our angel, we do this every year, it shows my children the gift of giving, the "fullness" you feel from helping someone in need. They each get a little budget and are allowed to purchase something for the child in need. I am amazed when, after reading what the child needs, my daughter will be so excited to go buy for our family angel. She is the first to be taken back by the fact that the child wants/needs socks and underwear and she always try's to give her toys away bc the angel doesn't have many.... We work so hard to teach our children, the future leaders of the country, these life forms we've been blessed with from God how to live unconditionally and give as much as they can that it breaks my heart to see people reserve their appreciation and thankfulness of others for once a year. I have been blessed in my life to have two loving parents, who are not perfect, they have faults and learn from their mistakes, they have taught me that a mistake isn't the end if the world, as long as you learn from it and strive to do better you are working towards whatever goal you have... Setbacks do not destroy your goal, sometimes you have to find a new road to continue in your journey. I am blessed with 4 amazing siblings, who also have faults, and make mistakes. And one who is no longer on the earth with me physically but who is always in my heart and a part of my life. I have my relationship with God, and I know he forgives my faults and errors and loves me unconditionally as he wants us to do with others. I have the love of a wonderful man, he sees thru my faults, my pain and my struggles and knows what's inside of my heart, he helps me be the best person I can be, he pushes me to be the best I can and helps me when I feel I'm either not doing enough or I feel I've fallen short. I have been blessed with two wonderful children, who I am trying to raise to the best of my ability and who are also helping me grow, I'm learning how to be a mother and how to deal with the things life throws at us. And I have been blessed with some very important, true, real, friends. These friends have seen me at my lowest, seen me be destructive of my own life and have continued to stay by my side, we have all had a windy road full of ups and downs but in the end on speaking terms or not I know that I can count on them.... And so today, as well as every day of every month, of every year I'm grateful, appreciative and humble for all of the blessings and gifts in my life. I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday.

Feeling a little lifted.

So today I'm enjoying the company of 4 pretty cool kids!! My bestie gave a lady at work my info bc her kiddos needed care mon-wed and we worked out payment and figured it all out!! I forgot how much I enjoy older children!! I might try to take on some kids this summer that are school aged. We enjoyed a wonderful thanksgiving with my family yesterday and I'm reminded of how much I truly enjoy spending time with my aunt and my cousins!! I love my family but I really enjoy spending time with my extended family, not to hurt anyone's feelings and I think they know this, but I've always felt like I fit better with them than I do with mine....

I'm working hard on Christmas presents and my crayons came out so good!! I'll post pictures later from my computer bc it's hard to do from my phone!